Nights & Never Ending Moonlight

Im so tired.... but i wanna finish up the last story of Bangkok Haunted.
And yet im tired and sleepy. 10 mins more to go.

As for my bro. "Focus on the casual wild kangaroos."
Heheh.

...

i was hiding in the office all afternoon. then i went to wabi. simon and mel came by. they left due to dinner plans.
then i sat at the bar with the manager, ck.
danny and denise came. then houwen. then mons and shireen. hoe2 dropped by as well.
everyone knew.
but im fine.

got home but afraid to get outta my car. im afraid to accept the new changes...
but i cant be sleeping in my car. so... take a deep breath. everything will be fine.

First day of the new year.

I have realized that the 2 years of emo binge drinking didnt go to waste.
Yeah, ive got my health problem because of that... but i have gained in another way.
Feels great.

What the hell happened?
Failures made me a mess, because im not strong enough to face it. I became a kid again.... and im scared as hell.
Its pretty crappy to be in a mess at this age. But fuck..... i started everything late.

In 2 days, everything will be different. We will all have to leave our comfort zone. You, me and everyone else.
Its tough but we know its the only way to make a difference. Everything will be good after this.

I think its time i fix myself up.
Isolate. Isolate all the unhappy memories.
I gotta snap outta this never-ending gloom. And i know i will.

------------------------------

Queer as fucks.

I recalled last night when i was driving home from work. Went pass a toll booth. My hair was a mess, cigg in mouth, blasting some Radiohead, i held out my tattooed arm to give the toll-booth attendant two 50cents. To my surprise, she smiled at me and wished me something, which i cant really hear cuz my music was turned up loud. With the cigg still in my mouth, i smiled and thanked her. That really made my day.
When was the last time anyone gives a shit.... especially toll-booth attendants.

Today... nothing. Tempted to drink.... but i cant. Sigh.
Guess i'll get a pack of ciggs and head home.

Yeah... its a holiday, so fuckin what?
Im spending my holiday sitting in my room in front of the computer doin nothing.

Nothing i wanna do. No where i wanna go. No one i wanna see.
Best state of mind for a person who's in a coma.

Isolate.

Nothing. Nothing new besides drinking the shit and possibly get nabbed by cops.

Went to pickup my medical report at the clinic this morning.
First thing i said to the doc.... "Hi doctor. Am I gonna die?"
He replied awkwardly "Errr.... no. You are not gonna die yet. Your uric acid is much higher than last year. You've been drinking alot huh?"
"Yeah. I guess."
"You should try not to drink alcohol expecially beer."
Now... i dont know if i should feel glad that im not dying...

She text me and asked me to be happy....
How the hell am i gonna be happy? These days I dont even feel happy when im drunk.

Damn restless... so much so that i got into 2 arguments with 2 friends for nothing. Sigh

sook:  Hey there...